Trying to Forget the Crushing Defeats since 2009

Where has the little victories been for so long? You say. Why aren’t you blogging more? You say. Well, this stuff ain’t easy, I say.

In order to stay sane and still not leave my blogging duties behind, I’ve decided to blog today, by microblogging.

All of the “posts” today are 140 characters or less. Or “140 characters or fewer” if you teach English. Or have no life.

So: New Music Tuesdays. Ryan Leslie’s “Transition?” Win. Wale’s “Attention Deficit?” Win. Lady Gaga’s leaked “The Fame Monster?” Win.

But Music Tuesdays isn’t just about new stuff, so let’s dig deeper and find one of my favorite things about albums: their first songs.

The first song of an album is its “opener,” its lead-off hit. It has to set the mood of the album. Many artists don’t do this.

But one artist stands out as having the best opener I’ve heard all year: Death Cab For Cutie’s “Narrow Stairs” album.

Seriously? Best opening two songs I’ve heard in a long, long time.

“Bixby Canyon Bridge” and “I Will Possess Your Heart” together is like… I don’t know, Beyoncé and Lady GaGa together.

Speaking of which, they did combine for not one but TWO songs this month. It’s pretty much a homo’s dream come true.

But TLV isn’t just about music, it’s about opinion, and it’s about politics. And…well, not that much happened this week.

That’s a complete lie… “Going Rogue” by Sarah Palin came out! And according to the AP, it wasn’t well fact-checked!

But enough about that- my big thing this week is how people who kill gays can claim the “gay panic” defense.

Listen, I was once sort of hit on by a girl. But I didn’t kill her- in fact, we’re still friends today. Actually, this happened three times.

So if I hit on someone that looks gay, can he kill me because my advances were panic-worthy?

Is it even possible to talk game good enough that someone will actually kill you to reject your advances? I’m certainly not.

But I guess you’d have to do SOMETHING in order to look manly after a queen basically tells you you look like a homo.

But killing someone? Really? Couldn’t you just chug a Foster’s beer and then crush the can against your skull?

Ooh, or do shots of Jager off of a hot chick and then yell “brah” at everyone! That’s manly! Or so I hear.

But my sympathies to the fallen and to those who think claiming “gay panic” in 2009 isn’t patently ridiculous.

I’ll also be back next week with some more actual stuff. I just have to, um, have ambition and drive to write.

I also have a new idea called PointCounterPoint where I write two columns that present both sides of an issue. I’m positive that would be co

Characters were counted by http://www.lettercount.com, and the idea for that last post was stolen from Neil Patrick Harris.